Oh, New Year’s Eve. What a night. I’m one of those suckers for NYE. The anticipation of a shiny, untarnished year, filled with prospective hopes and dreams and warmer weather, is one of my favorite feelings. That being said, it is typically a let-down, if not a full on, all out mess. What starts as a bubbly excitement can easily sour, after a few IPAs, into regret and disenchantment with the year previously lead.
Thankfully, this New Year’s Eve wasn’t all bad. I have had some very bad ones; this was mostly just anti-climatic. Dinner and drinks with friends, and the inevitable slide into binge drinking until the sun came up on a soggy new year. No fights, though, with loved ones (or strangers), no black outs, and no crying – so all in all, a successful night.
I can’t lie, I’m glad to see the back of 2015. It was not a good year for me, as my anxiety has spiraled out of control and I once again fucked up school. I made some shit life choices, and didn’t really accomplish anything with my year. I lost my grandmother, who was my last living grandparent, which was devastating.
I am tentatively hopeful for 2016, though. I’ve gotten into bullet-journaling, using a cheap sketchbook, and I find it very soothing to lay out life in a way that flows for me. I could never get the feel for pre-made planners; this method, which feels like a mixture of journaling and planning, works very well for me. Google it, if you are interested, it’s been great coping method, personally, for anxiety.
For the first time, I also have a plan in place to find a therapist and get help managing my anxiety and depression. I will keep fucking up everything if I don’t get that under control. I just hope I have the strength to be honest this time around, and to truly seek the help that I desperately need.
I would be lying if I said that I’m not scared I’ll simply relapse into the Sad Sack of uselessness I typically embody. I’ve been eating healthier, and making better choices overall, but who knows what a month from now will bring. I enrolled in classes for this semester, (hopefully) to pull up my GPA to reapply for the CLT program in the summer, and I have no more room for screw ups. I must make As, which I know I am capable of if I don’t literally just give up and play video games or watch Netflix instead.
Stay tuned. This could go either way.
Tales of a Sad Sack 